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Mind your own business.

I know what I am doing, okay. I may have failed high school maths, never studied anything except my own navel, and inherited my business from my old man, I know how to do the payroll, salaries, and administration and do a full grease and oil change.

That’s because , I'm a mechanic. I can fix anything.

Or I’m an electrician. And I am able to make anything work “at the flick of a switch!

I am a chef. If I can cook a three-course meal I can singlehandedly cook the books. And even fudge the figures for dessert.

What could be so hard about bookkeeping, then? I mean it has got three consecutive double letters. That takes an eager eye to realise!

So all I need to do is keep a few invoices, collect a handful of statements and dust off the Casio FX-100 to work out just what quantity of money the government will give me for my vacation to Hawaii this Xmas.

It’s but a night’s work at the best. I can do it while I’m on the couch watching the footy on Friday night. Wait a sec! The Hawks are playing the Blues on Friday! Can’t miss that. I could potentially knock it over at half time along with a few brewskies. Piece of piss.

So mind your own business, OK. I can do this.

No you can’t. You could be a great plumber, you’re probably a grand concreter, and you may very well be the planet’s best cartoonist. But no kind of creative accounting is going to protect you from the inevitable: poorly kept records, pissed off clients and a letter in the mail from the Tax Office informing you of your most terrible nightmare – you’re being audited.

But it’s none of my business.

You and your team are on top of it. Besides the 5am starts, working weekends and of course the family and kids, you could have plenty of time to get your forms arranged, pay all of your debts and workers, and then explain to the Office of State Revenue why you dealt typically in cash money and failed to know that you had to pay your non-English talking staff superannuation.

You’re the most handy of handy men.

And you are Mr. Fix It.

You’re All rounder.

And master of none.

Particularly domestic payroll, administration and bookkeeping.

Come to think of it, you cannot even mind your own business if you can not mind your own business.

And if you are not going to mind your own business, who will?

Your offsider?

Your better half?

You?

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